His & Hers: Communication Part 2
September 19, 2019
We understanding that communication in a relationship is challenging sometimes, but our communication as a couple is improving every day since we started taking those steps in this blog and the Part 1 of our communication series of blogs.
We are not saying that miscommunications and misunderstandings don’t happen between us, it happens all the time! Especially because Lance is not a native English speaker and our communication is in English.
But we work on our communication daily and we manage to work through all the challenges we encounter together.
As you saw in part one of His & Hers: Communication, we are working as a couple effort to ensure that our communication is respectful and understanding of the other partner.
In this blog, we want to encourage you to communicate with your partner(s). So, we put it all on the line and decided to reflect on our past communication, focusing on how we were able to improve communication to strengthen our relationship.
Where Our Communication Is Today
Lance: We have learned to respect each other’s space, and learned to work closely with each other to get stuff accomplished in a timely matter. Due to my traumatic brain injury, Kate learned that I need to be reminded frequently about tasks.
So we implemented a few ways for me to be productive. We set things up in a shared calendar and know what we have to get done.
Using reminders on the phone has helped a lot as well in allowing me a way to plan out my day and know what tasks needed to be done and what day they need to be done by or on.
Let communication be the seed that you water with honest and love. So that it may produce a happy, fulfilling, and successful relationship. Stephan Labossiere
Kate: We have learned each other’s idiosyncrasies as well as how to best phrase things so that the other person understands.
For example, I don’t have to sugarcoat or think of how to best phrase what I want to say, I can just say what’s on my mind and we can sort out the meaning of what I am saying because Lance is rarely offended.
If I say something that bothers him, he will think about it and bring it back up after he’s taken time to process.
Communication is a skill that you can learn. It’s like riding a bicycle or typing. If you’re willing to work at it, you can rapidly improve the quality of every part of your life. Brian Tracy
Lance: Always keep in mind, you and your partner are not the same. Communication styles can be different. We all have different backgrounds and upbringings; our way of handling situations is different.
So, it is essential that you learn what your partner’s style is, work with it, and be grateful that they are in your life. You can always keep the line of communication open by sharing some tips that might improve your partner’s way of communicating and expressing themselves while staying cognizant of the other person’s goals on a personal level.
It is very important to know what your partner’s goals are on a personal level. You can always contribute to their personal growth by communicating what you learned that might help them be a better person. Keep in mind, your partner’s growth is beneficial to you both.
I respect a person who is vocal. Tell me why you’re into me, tell me why I pissed you off and tell me how I can fix it, tell me everything.
In no way are we stating that our communication in our relationship is perfect. However, we have come along way since we started our RV journey.
Still, backing up the trailer is a sore issue, but we are working hard on that. It is one of the reasons we go boondocking a lot; the need to back the trailer up is limited.
I’m sorry for what I said while we were parking the trailer.
Kate: Find out how your partner best receives suggestions. This will help your comment to be heard rather than making your partner feel attacked and potentially shut down.
Remember, when your partner shuts down, it is not beneficial to either one of you nor the conversation.
Never let that line of open communication shut down. Keep talking to your partner about the big stuff as well as the small things. Knowing that you can say anything, without judgment from your partner, will keep both people wanting to talk and share.
Did we miss anything when it comes to communication in a Relationship? What helps you communicate better with your partner?
Books we Read Together
“Write to be understood, speak to be heard, read to grow.” ― Lawrence Clark Powell
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
This book was helpful for us to read to determine our own love languages. It made me realize that while I am doing things for Lance in my love language, he is not receiving the message. He prefers words of affirmation while I prefer physical touch. So I might rub his back as I walk past him in the kitchen to show him love; it doesn’t have the same impact on him as if I had said something like, “Thank you for making dinner. I really appreciate you.”
The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book)
This book simplifies the pathway to personal growth. We all hear about personal growth and ask, “Where do we start?” Well, this book streamlines it for you so that you can get the growth done and not just sit there and plan for it.
Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop
We all have an internal critic that rambles and rambles all day long. This is a great book to arm you with tools that would allow you to shut that voice up and start living your life worry-free.